Writing Marketing Crap Speak Kills Unicorns (An Infographic)
It’s been going on for years. It was how I learned. It was how everyone learned. At first I told myself that it was just my job, and that it was the only style the bosses would let me write. It was what they wanted. It was the only the copy they would approve.
The empty suits who reviewed my writing added “edits” or “suggestions” that made the copy even more stunningly crappy. Their deft ability to suck the life out of any writing was breath taking.
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No one else said anything. After “reviewing” it many said they thought it was good, or even great. Maybe, I thought, it was just me, and everyone else knew better. Maybe it was okay. Maybe I wasn’t REALLY hurting anyone else. After awhile I almost believed it.
However, in my heart of hearts I always knew better, but I was afraid to speak up. That stops here.
I will no longer stand quietly by and allow my silence to condone such a barbarous practice on the innocent.
I refuse to write marketing crap speak and pretend that other people ever actually read the self-indulgent, insipid, corporate jargon infused crap marketing copy the bosses love.
Today I take a stand. Today I take the pledge to stop killing unicorns. I will tell my boss I will not kill another unicorn by writing marketing crap speak. Today the slaughter stops. Today no more unicorn blood on my hands.
Join me. Take the pledge. Only you can stop the killing.
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Download The Stop Killing Unicorns Infographic Here
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About Steve Farnsworth @Steveology
Steve Farnsworth provides strategy, training, and implementation for integrated digital/social media, online marketing, brand journalism, content marketing, and lead generation for technology-based companies. His client hire Steve to increase customer preference for their brand, shorten their sales cycles, and generate better qualified leads. Contact 650-331-0594 to see if working together makes sense.
Andrew Watts
October 14, 2011
I do agree. I’ve had to kill a few unicorns too and now campaign for their protection. While a journalist we called it marketing b*ll*cks. When I started in PR, both in-house and in agencies, I was told all that flannel was good writing. In one agency I was hauled into an office for a bad release that the client didn’t like. The client now worked in healthcare, but her only previous job had been in a women’s fashion store. Two ‘bosses’ had reviewed and edited the piece, each adding their own junk. The client rejects it (rightly, but for entirely the wrong reason) and the big boss asks why I wrote the rubbish? Never again.
Steve Farnsworth A.K.A. @Steveology
October 14, 2011
Thank you for sharing your story. It sent chills down my spine. I felt I was at that meeting. We shall over come. Let the healing begin!
Nicholas Burman
October 14, 2011
Those poor, poor unicorns. What did they ever do to deserve this?Thank you for your humane stand, Steve. The next time I read a phrase like “for all your ____ needs” I will run to the defence of these poor creatures. When my first thought at the end of a paragraph with more syllables than the constitution is ‘what the hell did I just read?’, I will shed a tear.
Thanks for your stand. Let us all stand together!
Steve Farnsworth A.K.A. @Steveology
October 14, 2011
Thank you, Brother!
Christian Buckley (@buckleyplanet)
October 14, 2011
Its amazing how few marketing types understand that people see right through it. If you are trying to build a brand, raise awareness, show some thought leadership, you need to be open and honest in what you write. Tell people what your product/service does, and what it does not do. Share specific use cases, real world scenarios. People will begin to trust you, and as your product/service improves, they’ll stick around.
I say be bold, be interesting, be authentic, be honest.
Steve Farnsworth A.K.A. @Steveology
October 14, 2011
Absolutely. I have always been surprised that the idea of good writing encouraging more reading and sharing is so difficult to grasp. How is that so counter-intuitive for bosses and clients?
Jim Gilbert
October 16, 2011
Love it! I take the pledge!
Jim
Kimmo Linkama
October 16, 2011
There’s a petition against killing unicorns at BNet: http://www.bnet.com/blog/small-biz-advice/10-things-never-to-tell-sales-prospects/4789
Add to the list “world-class” and “state-of-the-art”, and we’re close to saving these beautiful creatures from extinction.
James
October 20, 2011
I couldn’t agree more. Great blog. Plain honest English is best. It can still be exciting, enthusiastic, full of character and life without you sounding like you’ve vomited a marketing phraseology book over your keyboard.
John Clark
November 20, 2011
I’d like to know more specifically what you are referring to as crap and what specifically you see as non-crap.
Steve Farnsworth A.K.A. @Steveology
December 9, 2011
John, First let me apologize for taking so long to respond.
What is marketing crap speak? Fair question, but I think the best way to answer that is by using your own experience. When you read for pleasure you probably don’t read company marketing brochures. Why? Because most of them are written in a style that is obsequious or otherwise self congratulatory. Not all are, but most are. Here is a sample from a major company’s press release. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.
“Emerging GSR image sensor designs present a new opportunity for Galvanized Nanobots to provide customers with the technology they need to be successful in this rapidly growing market,” said Joe Peppercorn, sr. grand poobah of Galvanized Nanobots’s Granular Protonics business unit. “The GlibGlob 900′s low temperature process runs on our lightning-fast producer platform, which is great news for customers looking to satisfy the demand for an estimated 900 million GSR image sensors expected to be needed by 2014.”
Silly names I replaced aside, this thing sounds like any other meaningless corporate crap speak I have ever heard. And this is from a major public company. People don’t ever speak in this dribble in real life. If you asked the person being quoted why this announcement was important, would he really respond like that? I honestly doubt it. So, why write it like that? Does that makes sense?