My friend Kare Anderson wrote Mutuality Matters: How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others. In this post Kare shares a deck of cards worth of bite-sized takeaways from here book. Pick three things from this list that you will incorporate into your life starting this week?
52 Twitter-sized tips from the book, Mutuality Matter
1. It is never too late to turn the page to a new chapter of the adventure story you are truly meant to live with others (Tweet This)
2. Whatever most captures your mind controls your life. Let a Mutuality Mindset become top-of-mind
3. Spending time with those you respect bolsters, in you, the traits you most admire in them. (Tweet This)
4. The better you know your best talent & temperament the more adept you become in finding those with complementary traits
5. Interconnectedness increases frequency of serendipitous encounters & unexpected insights that enable deeper friendships and faster innovation
6. Strangers can be consequential when you want to practice an atrophied or unexplored facet of you, as they don’t know how you usually act
7. Becoming more deeply connected with those you admire and love bolsters, in you, the traits you most admire in them.
8. Consistently remind yourself why you appreciate your caring #MutualityMindset friends to avoid taking them for granted
9. Label yourself before someone else does so you are a distinctive, discoverable ally for apt acts of mutual support. (Tweet This)
10. Recognize behaviors that most upset you so, like defensive driving, you can see potential “crashes” sooner and avoid them
11. Speak sooner to a sweet spot of shared interest to cultivate a meaningful connection, the first step to creating something greater together.
12. Triangle Talk: Cite 1. Their interest 2. How your interest coincides with it 3. Action that we should take. (Tweet This)
13. Share the story in which others see a role they want to play so they will re-shape it, share it to make it “our” story (Tweet This)
14. Boost understanding, competence & connection: keep messages, rules & requests simple & brief (Tweet This)
15. Create a clear explanation? Ask an expert & novice to craft it: Expert knows too much (curse of knowledge) & novice sees it with fresh eyes
16. Whoever most vividly characterizes a situation usually determines how others see it, talk about it, and make decisions about it. (Tweet This)
17. Demonstrate warmth first, then competence, not the reverse. We’re highly sensitive to warmth and its absence. (Tweet This)
18. Before meeting or re-meeting someone, think of what you most like and admire about that person + keep it top-of-mind as you meet.
19. We tend to like each other better when walking, sitting or standing side by side or at right angles from each other.
20. Bring out the better side in others and they are more likely to see and support yours.
21. Speak to their positive intent especially when it appears they have none, and you are more like to see it appear.
22. Magnify the power of your praise by making it visible, in-person and virtually, especially to those who most matter to people whom you praise.
23. When the spotlight’s on you, shine it on those you admire, citing their positive exploits, thus making it brighter for them & you
24. We never have as good an opportunity to look caring as when others around us aren’t. Hint: Don’t be a jerk because someone else is.
25. Praise the behaviors in others that you most want to flourish.
26. Identify a noble shared purpose as the context in which you work with others Hint: #MutualityMatters @PKaipa
27. A large, diverse group of non-experts often outperforms a small group of similar experts
28. Inclusion inspires innovation because we see more sides of situations Hint: #MutualityMatters
29. Accomplish more. Seek opposites: pessimists/optimists, fast/slow thinkers, maintainers/creators, introverts/extroverts
30. Accomplishing one thing greater together is the strongest spur to work on something even bigger next time.
31. Don’t just be a giver. Be an extremely helpful giver who demonstrates an awareness of what they most need.
32. Give enough others what they need & U often get what U need, sometimes before U know U need it & from those U didn’t know could provide it
33. Sharing experiences enables us to mirror each other’s emotions and thus feel greater empathy for each other.
34. Best way to attract attention & credibility: unexpected allies, ardently united around something #MutualityMatters
35. In the midst of a mess, who is thriving and how can we help others thrive like them?
36. When you see someone’s interest rise in the conversation, ask follow-up questions, to get closer to their sweet spot of strong interest.
37. Take notes. It demonstrates interest & respect and moves you towards mutuality
38. Set regular times for cross-functional, candid and facilitated discussions of projects
39. Make it easier, faster or more fun for us to do the right thing for each other, plus enable us to feel proud when we do
40. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Effect: When first meeting, ask each teammate to give a reason they look forward to working together.
41. Close-knit teams have sweet spot of shared interest, no more than 7 members, no extra members, a top goal & rules of engagement
42. We are high performing & happier in organizations when working in small teams that regularly interact with other teams
43. Do not make someone else a priority when they only make you an option. Actions show real priorities.
44. See others’ slights or outright insults as opportunities to show equanimity, spurring observers to do the same, unified with you around a best side of “us”
45. Connective leaders, demonstrate that being a strong team player is as important as being a rising star.
46. #BrightSpots: Notice what works best & figure out how more of us can do them more often.
47. Make your expression a welcoming gift: avoid the dour “screen face” from staring down at your phone.
48. Does your project or business have a “hook” on which others can proudly and visibly contribute? #MutualityMatters
49. Co-create a ritual and/or object that reinforces our mutuality such as a hand signal, slogan, or image.
50. In a civilization when love is gone we turn to justice and when justice is gone we turn to power and when power is gone we turn to violence.
51. We can’t know which interactions will deepen into richer relationships, yet we can keep the faith that our mutuality mindset affirms them.
52. Mutuality most demonstrates our humanity and, in the end, that may be what most matters in our lives
About Kare Anderson
Kare is an Emmy-winning former NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter turned speaker and strategist on quotability, connective behavior and making places and conferences more meaningful by storyboarding them. She was a state senator’s chief of staff, co-founder of nine PACs, founding board member of Annie’s Homegrown and coached over 30 pre-IPO teams. She is inordinately curious about why we do what we do. Kare also write for the Huffington Post and Harvard Business Review and is the author of Moving From Me to We, Resolving Conflict Sooner, Walk Your Talk and Getting What You Want. You can connect with her and share ideas at Say It Better, Moving From Me to We and @kareanderson